Life on the Normandy
by ShadowRanger10
Summary: Series of stories about how things go on the Normandy during both games. Unfortunately for her crew, Shepard runs a very loose ship…
1. Chapter 1

Life on the Normandy

Summary: Series of stories about how things go on the Normandy during both games. Unfortunately for her crew, Shepard runs a very loose ship…

A/N: Not really sure how this is going to turn out but I've got a few ideas. It should get better as I go along so please give it a chance. In any case, please read and review.

Miranda was starting to consider getting steel bars installed at her door. It would make life so much simpler…Of course that would also trap her in her own office and she would probably starve to death consequently. Oh well, it was still fun to fantasize sometimes. She knew her problem; yes she knew it all too well. It was that _damn_ crew out there!

Every day they would come, like a horde of husks, brandishing reports in her face and complaining about some menial problem or another. She had seriously considered blasting them all away with that grenade launcher of Shepard's or perhaps biotically throwing them out into space. Why the hell was she doing this anyway? To begin with, there was a reason why they called her little-miss-perfect, was way overqualified for this! And really, bringing someone back from the dead, and not even in zombie form, entitled her to a vacation!

The last straw had been yesterday though when she realized that no one was safe anymore, not even Shepard whom she considered the last sane person besides herself on this flying circus tent. She had been working late, as usual since it seemed that a ship about to undertake a suicide mission is really in dire need of "bright artwork", which according to Yeoman Chambers would "really improve morale!" Yes, because that was a great comfort, everyone might die tomorrow but at least they'll be able to see some great artwork before they lose everything they ever held dear! Anyway, she was working when a commotion outside her door caught her attention. Grateful for an excuse to abandon the mountain of files on her desk, she opened her door and made to get out of her quarters before being slammed backwards by a massive force. She ended up crushed between the remains of her smashed desk and the considerable weight of the tank-born krogan, Grunt. Her only thought before passing out was "Well that takes care of the paperwork…"

As Jacob explained it to her the next morning when she had awoken in the med bay, it appeared that the reason for her being hit by a krogan cannonball was a bet between Grunt and Shepard. Apparently they were wrestling. And somehow the unarmed human woman with no biotic power whatsoever managed to overtake the 300-pound alien created with the intent of being the perfect weapon and throw him straight at her. Miranda decided right then and there: to hell with the galaxy and their Collectors, she needed some shore leave. Or a drink. Preferably both.


	2. Chapter 2

Life on the Normandy

A/N: I'm pretty happy with the way this chapter turned out, hope you enjoy it. Please read and review.

It was a mistake really, she should have known better than to let it happen, and now, waking up on the floor on the engineering level, she was paying the price. Truly, holding a dance party on the Normandy to celebrate Saren's defeat was not a good idea. The worst part was the alcohol. Adding alcohol to a bad situation always, without question, ended in disaster. The hangover didn't make the aftermath any prettier either…And that's when the flashbacks started.

_She watched the proceedings with a smile and shook her head at her team's antics. Whichever way she looked she saw something that just looked hilariously wrong. To begin with, Wrex, Garrus and Kaidan were having a competition to see who, in their words, was "King of the Normandy". She was surprised that Wrex had gone along with it but it seemed the two bottles of ryncol he had downed like water were finally having an effect. She wondered where he had even gotten the ryncol but it was gone before she could voice the question. It was a sight to behold, with Kaidan doing some old disco moves he must have learned while watching vids, the mental image of him practicing those moves was enough to get her laughing. Garrus was spinning on his head, she supposed the plates helped but wondered if he would ever stop spinning, he was starting to remind her of a top. She was in tears by the time Wrex pulled out his krogan hip-hop moves, partly because she would never have believed that Wrex was even capable of jumping. She pulled her eyes from those three to see how the rest of her crew was faring. Liara was close enough for her to be able to hear her over the music. She was asking a pineapple to "embrace eternity". The poor girl then proceeded to dance with the fruit. Deciding to let them have their privacy, Shepard turned to look for Tali. She was at the other end of the room, doing like any good quarian would do and taking full advantage of the situation. She held a camera in her hands. Shepard felt pride welling up within her, their own little blackmailer, she had raised her well._ _She started looking around for Ashley before remembering Virmire…it was time for a drink. A strong one._

Snapping back to reality, Shepard surveyed the ship, noting the two holes in the floor and figuring Wrex's dancing was the most likely cause. Most of her crew was, like she herself had been, passed out on the floor. Liara still had the pineapple in her arms. She smiled through the pounding headache before a sudden thought occurred to her. Tali. She looked around in vain. It was time to pay the girl a visit, that camera of hers might not survive the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Life on the Normandy

Stress tended to build up easily when morale was down. And nothing brought down morale like the knowledge that you were rushing headlong into near-certain death. The knowledge that it was necessary was a cold comfort really. The thing about stress however, was that it wasn't pretty. Especially on a team with problems like theirs, where they feuded over minor things like "his work is the reason my people are facing extinction" or "her "friendly fire" doesn't seem so friendly any more". Then the idea for a stress release came along, and despite the hundred and one things that Shepard could list off the top of her head that could go wrong with this, among them the very real possibility that Miranda might just decide to start chasing her around with a chainsaw, she relented. And so, Samara was forced out of her trance to cast a biotic barrier over the window, and the Observation Deck's transformation into gym-for-a-day was complete.

How they convinced her that the one room with breakable glass was the one they should use to start sparring and throwing things around was beyond her. Still, it was the only place big enough and empty enough to accommodate their needs. Plus, any excuse to get Samara's eyes back to normal was OK with her. She went in to enjoy a little of it before the inevitable disaster occurred, maybe something involving Grunt punching through the barrier or Jack trying to bust the window for the "fun" of it.

The scene that greeted her as she walked through the door was as such: Jacob and Thane were boxing in the makeshift ring in the middle of the room; Jacob seemed utterly incapable of landing a hit and kept muttering about those "little green men" having "frog's genes". Tali and Garrus were passing an oversized ball between them, upon closer inspection it turned out to be Tali's attack drone. Shepard thought to warn her that if she continued to use it like this it might turn on her next time she brought it out in battle or worse, it could decide to "go for the optics" right then. Jack and Grunt were playing what seemed to be a biotic's version of dodge-ball, with Grunt gleefully, and remarkably nimbly, jumping out of the way of the blue balls of energy Jack was tossing around. The commander considered at least warning Jack of the unpleasantness of being hit by a charging krogan, but she decided that the girl would probably think it was an encouragement. Miranda was there as well, punching a sandbag with such vigor you would think it had threatened her sister. Shepard was starting to wonder whether Grunt had knocked some of his bloodlust into Miranda after that one incident…she had gotten violent enough to make _Jack_ back off. Mordin and Samara were talking animatedly in a corner, or Mordin was anyway, Samara was staring into space, completely oblivious to the salarian doctor's babbling and the needle he held with such nonchalance in his hand. What was interesting about that particular scene though, was their seating arrangement. They were seated on a couch, suspended in mid-air by Legion. Apparently even the geth needed to keep in shape. Who would have thought? Or maybe Legion was just considered a bodybuilder among them, it was still a possibility.

Yes, this was a recipe for disaster alright, but they would cross that bridge when they got to it. For the time being she went to replace Jacob in the ring. She smiled when Thane asked: "Ready _siha_?"

If there was to be chaos, then why not be a part of it?

"Ready as I'll ever be." She responded.


	4. Chapter 4

Life on the Normandy

It was a special day on the Normandy. Their Commander had just successfully completed her first mission as the first human Specter. They had also just gained a new crew member. Of course she was also the daughter of a dangerous enemy but hey, it was still a cause for celebration. Besides, it was a chance to get her guard down; she might let something slip that showed her true allegiance. And so it was that Karaoke Night came to the Normandy.

Ashley had suggested it first and Shepard agreed, after all, how much harm could a bit of singing do? They docked at the Citadel and rented out some tables and chairs to set up on the engineering floor and by evening they were ready to kick off the proceedings. As it turned out, you could learn a lot about people through the amazing power of karaoke.

Among the highlights of the evening was Liara, who as the guest of honor was basically forced to go first. She got up looking rather embarrassed, she was a scientist after all, she probably wouldn't be comfortable with all the attention. Then she started singing some kind of asari rock song and dancing like a true asari maiden. Shepard stared incredulously; well there goes _shyness_ right out the window. Along with modesty, as the asari researcher's jacket went flying toward her. She went to coax the girl out of the seeming trance before anything else came off. She stopped almost immediately and stumbled back to her seat. Yes, she really seemed like a dangerous enemy agent at the moment. Well, that's one mystery solved. Shepard even learned something new through this, all you need to defeat an asari warrior is music. That would come in handy.

Then there was the unlikely trio of Kaidan, Joker and Navigator Pressly. They had apparently visited Chora's Den a little while earlier and were obviously drunk beyond comprehension. As it turned out they had learned a lovely new pub song, involving an asari, a hanar and an elcor that left some of the female crewmembers red to the tips of their ears. And some of the men as well. Once they had finished, Kaidan and Pressly deposited Joker on a chair and promptly stumbled onto the elevator mumbling about how they felt lucky and announcing that they were off to Flux.

And of course, there were Wrex and Garrus. Shepard had left the explanation of karaoke to the aliens in the crew to Ashley. Given the songs those two had chosen, it seemed Ash had not done a very good job. Garrus launched into what seemed to be a funeral dirge. Depressing and long. So very long…it was moments like these that made Shepard wish the Normandy had a bar. But she wasn't so lucky. Wrex woke her up from her stupor with a krogan war anthem. Complete with foot stomping and the occasional head-butting of a crewman. Wrex's voice did not help. Nor did the subsequent dents in her ship or the bleeding men moaning in agony.

It was Ashley that made the Commander discover the dangers of karaoke however. The Alliance soldier decided to fulfill her cowgirl dreams, with real gun-toting action. The irony of the woman singing a song called "Bang Bang" was not lost on her. She nearly cried at the bullet holes though, especially the one in her shoulder. Thank God for medigel. And Doctor Chakwas of course, the woman was a hero pulling her out of that mad house just as Tali launched into a rendition of "Long Live the Flotilla".

Yes karaoke was the world's greatest psych experiment. And the Normandy's crew were had minds that were better left unexplored.

"…Never…again…" Shepard managed to choke out between gasps of pain. Chakwas readjusted her hold on the Commander and nodded.


	5. Chapter 5

Life on the Normandy

A/N: Just wanted to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story, hope you still enjoy it. Also if there's anything you would like to see feel free to PM me with a suggestion.

It had been unnaturally quiet in the Normandy for a while. This was a most unusual occurrence on a ship with such a diverse cast of characters, all of whom were tense from the pressures of saving the galaxy. One would think this would be good news for the ship's commander, not receiving reports of rampaging krogan in the cargo hold or having to talk two extremely powerful biotics from killing each other and taking the ship down with them. Yes, one would assume that silence would be a good thing on the Normandy, and yet, somehow, it wasn't. To Shepard, it felt like she was waiting for the axe to drop, like some terrible calamity was about to occur. But moreover, the woman was just plain bored; they had nothing to do but wait while EDI worked on the Reaper IFF and, to be completely honest, her crew's antics amused her. After all, who could forget the time when Samara tried to kill Joker for playing "J-J-Just a Justicar" by Expel 10 on infinite loop over the PA system?

Having lost interest in the comings and goings of her pet hamster, Shepard set off on a tour of the ship; someone somewhere had to be doing something that was going to make her life harder right? That's part of the Normandy's charm! Getting onto the elevator she decided to start at the lowest level and work her way up, since the adolescent krogan and insane biotic were bound to be more interesting than the scientist or the world's blandest terrorist (aka Jacob). Besides, Tali might have her attack drone doing drills again, that was always fun.

Thus started Shepard's trip around the Normandy in less than 80 minutes, which actually turned out to be quite enlightening, to put it simply she had gathered a fair bit of blackmail material. Grunt was reading poetry, which was weird, and Jack was writing it, which was scary. After outrunning Jack with her newly acquired treasure of a crumpled up piece of paper, Shepard went to see Tali in the engine room. The quarian, however, was nowhere to be seen, that was odd, Shepard couldn't remember Tali ever leaving the engine room,_ ever_. Well except for a meeting or a mission anyway. Nonetheless, the fearless commander moved on.

The mystery of Tali's whereabouts was solved quickly. As soon as Shepard stepped onto the second floor she heard a deafening noise that might have been music. She went around the elevator and was greeted by the source of the noise, a band. A rock band consisting of Miranda on drums, Tali with a guitar and Thane as lead singer, very aptly named End of the Galaxy (it was certainly how their "music" made Shepard feel). Among other things, she noticed Chakwas and Gardner dancing together, interesting she never imagined that Rupert and the Doc would hit it off, or that Chakwas would even approve of this kind of music. What was worse than the music though, was the fact that Samara, Garrus and Legion were dancing to it, they got a legendary asari Justicar and a _geth_ to _dance_. End of the galaxy, indeed. She avoided looking at Garrus, it might awaken memories of the old Normandy, and the other two were far more interesting anyway. Samara was floating around in odd patterns, her eyes white and a biotic aura surrounding her, Shepard had to wonder if she was even aware where she was. Legion was doing the robot, and saying "This unit has got the moves. We own you."

As much as she wanted to see how this unfolded, Shepard's eardrums were protesting vehemently to the prolonged exposure to Thane's screechy voice, no wonder she had never heard of a drell pop star before. She needed to get her omni-tool for this, anyway, and a bigger audience. Reluctantly she made her way back to the elevator. Unexpectedly enough, this was where her wish for excitement was answered. After sending Jacob on his way to gather the rest of the crew, she made her way to the lab. That was when she heard the explosion. She rushed in, trying to see through the smoke and calling out for Mordin. Finally she found him, under what was left of the table; she started moving the debris when she heard him say:

"Ah, Shepard! Good timing. Need to get new materials. Small accident with chemicals. Did not go as expected, may have lost other horn, should go to Dr. Chakwas. Also need Joker, might have cured his condition, might cause small explosions though, need to test it out."


End file.
